Lonesome Levis Lane

by Clive James and Pete Atkin

Now down in Nashville lives a man who makes a million bucks a week
Singin' country music like it should be sung
He don't sound too impressive if you only hear him speak
But when he sings his vocal chords are full of dung

His hawkish eyes are hooded, not with sun but from the strain
Of a slight myopia he won't admit
His thighs are well-developed from a lifetime kickin' shit
And his monicker is Lonesome Levis Lane

Lonesome Levis, Lonesome Levis, Lonesome Levis Lane

Now he's been called a ravin' fascist by the communists and blacks
But the truth is he's an independent man
And it kinda disappoints him he gets no relief on tax
Buyin' guided missiles for the Ku Klux Klan

His noble teeth are gritted into pretzels from the pain
Of heels so high he's standin' on his toes
But a tang of bovine ordure still comes twangin' through his nose
And his monicker is Lonesome Levis Lane

Lonesome Levis, Lonesome Levis, Lonesome Levis Lane

Now Hitler, Himmler, Göring and all them other reds
They never understood the power of a song
If you want to plant a crazy notion in a million screamin' heads
Just spell it out and make 'em sing along

No it wouldn't shift the needle if you tried to weigh his brain
But he passes for a thinker in his art
He can shoot a cornball slogan like a bullet up the chart
And his monicker is Lonesome Levis Lane

Lonesome Levis, Lonesome Levis, Lonesome Levis Lane

Now if you're drivin' down the turnpike tune to station KKK
You'll hear that Nashville drone come slidin' through
It's just as fresh as fallin' cowplop and as true as Old Dog Trey
That sentimental splurge is all for you

In the concrete fields of Nashville they've grown their own John Wayne
And he's singin' while he's suckin' blades of grass
The sphincter of a heifer don't exude more warmth and class
And his monicker is Lonesome Levis Lane

Yes his monicker is Lonesome
But he's never on his ownsome
As he rides that strawberry roansome
On the stage his baritonesome's
Like Godzilla on the phonesome
Lettin' out a happy groansome
After eatin' blood and bonesome
That's a million-dollar moansome
And his monicker is Lonesome
Lonesome Levis Lane